My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
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Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
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how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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