My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
