she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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