Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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