Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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