Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
