I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
