it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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