we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
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my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
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Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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