his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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