Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.