the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy