Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
