The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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