I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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