i just had sex bonerless
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
