3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize