Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
false alarm, still single
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
