i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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