careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So many bounce houses so little time
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
BRING THE BAGELS
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
