He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize