I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
