You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
