There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
