my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
