just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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