Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
