found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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