i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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