put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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