She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
