Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
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Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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