I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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