shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
