hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
