Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
