I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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