You're completely useless in the revolution.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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