at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
