haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize
