I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
