____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
third nipple confirmed
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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