you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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