I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you didnt know i had herpes?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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