There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
