Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
