what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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