I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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