that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
