i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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