This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
