Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
