hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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