I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
