he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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