After last night, I could never be a politician.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
