at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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