Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
