Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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