he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
