i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
