Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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