i just had sex bonerless
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
