Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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