Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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