he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
