oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
