Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
