You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
