I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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