She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
