I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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