are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
