is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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