Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
