I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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